For Only You
by Small Lady1
Summary: A Tomoyo Vignette. The alluring, beautifully tragic Tomoyo's thoughts on her forbidden feelings for Sakura, in a soft, poetic format. A songfic.


Author's notes: I have been wanting to try and retouch the world of writing fan fiction. I can pinpoint the most beautiful and poignant writing, yet I believe I am still failing to reach the level that stirs my own being. In that light, I have tried to capture how I believe the neglected and sorrowful Tomoyo must be feeling as she watches over her most beloved. She is my favorite character to draw and while I am still failing at capturing that beautiful, sad, alluring aspect that is always in all her manners, I have given a fair shot at writing this. Please leave suggestions and comments. I would deeply appreciate them. 

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For Only You

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A Tomoyo Vignette

by Small Lady

I am awakening from the dreams once again. The same ones that have been inside my thoughts and edging through my defenses since I was eight. The half light of morning is coming through the blinded windows. A deep sigh to my left and I squint into the sun just to see her face. 

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And fate has led you through it  


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The horizontal lines draw the sloping profile deep into my eyelids as my lashes flutter down in response to the brightness. She is still dreaming here in the stillness. A deep intake of breath and then a tug of a smile on the corners of her mouth and I smile in response. Her subconscious must still be as happy and pure as she is in her waking hours. I roll over onto my side to study her. 

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Every moment marked  
With apparitions of your soul  
I'm ever swiftly moving  


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I know what the rumors are. The way people glance back and forth on the streets, in the halls. She is laughing, dancing to a melody that she can only hear. She hugs my arm at intervals and her eyes button up as she talks eagerly about her day. I walk along with her, smiling and nodding, as is my custom. The voices slide off to the side as do the eyes as the whispers are ricocheted off my ear drums. I suppose they do not realize how cursed I am with exceptional hearing. She pays no heed even if she did take a moment out to look around at the people who stand on street corners and talk in groups in corridors. All she knows is that I am her best friend and she is mine. We are everything to each other as far as she is concerned. Yet, she is not everything to me. 

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What ravages of spirit  
Conjured this temptuous rage  
Created you a monster  
Broken by the rules of love

Clutching at the pillow, I sit up and a sob is threatening to shake me to pieces. I inhale breath after breath. I must not wake her. The way she is so innocent as she sighs into my embrace when I hug her tight. She is still left in the world of not knowing what my words of love really mean. She understood his confession long ago, but I am nothing. 

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I don't know how  
To let you go  
  
I lay back down and she rolls over towards me. I lay still as she conforms herself to fit my side. I am a warm body to keep her warm. Her hair is falling over her face as her hand is balled up to her cheek. Her own heat is seeping into my skin through my nightgown. Is that her heart I feel beating away? What is she dreaming of? Is it him still after all this time?

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Trying to escape this desire

Sometimes in the night, I will sleep walk from this bed, to the mirror on the wall. I peer deeply into the eyes. They are stained violet. Are violet eyes the rarest of them all? Are they the most beautiful? Eyes that are the color of dusk and hair like midnight, the pale face. I'm languishing away in all my hidden prayers. __

The yearning to be near you  


My fingers find themselves in her hair. All the tension in her body releases. I saw _him_ run his fingers through her honey-auburn hair once. She smiled this warm, cozy look as she peered into his eyes and the way he looked back...I thought I was going to cry. When their moment had passed, she turned to see me. Standing there, in the shadows under the trees, left alone. Striking my tragic, concealing smile. She lit up and made the world so much better while that smile was meant for me. 

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And I have sense to recognize but  
I don't know how to let you go

Her eyes are opening. The haze of the still-covering veil of her sweet subconscious. Lash-lined spring green eyes. She blinks and then smiles at me as if I am the best thing to wake up next to. So ever trusting of me. Her words like tiny glass shards on my fragile heart as she stretches and greets me to another day of my pretending. 

Deep within I'm shaken by the violence  
Of existing for only you

Today will be another day in paradise as we linger on through the early hours in my bed. Limbs and long hair sprawled out across thrown about pillows and covers, we talk the way young girls do. I, sitting up, combing out my hair. She is on her stomach, hands propping up face. She tilts her head and laughs in that tinkling of temple bells way. She believes in me so much still. The remembrances of her dreams and the way she still longs for him are all I hear off the echoes of my walls. But I am smiling.

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Do what you have to do 

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AN: I used the lyrics from Sarah McLaughin's "Do What You Have To Do". I downloaded a yuri-suggestive music video based on Tomoyo's feelings with this song, and it just struck such a chord. My dear friend, ShiverDragon is telling me that I need a plot. Ah, but I don't think in plots or see the big picture. I think in small "slices of life" moments. The way one thing can change your whole day or your frame of mind. Plot? What plot? Maybe that is why I despise mystery novels...   
  


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